Funneling

I was in college the first and only time I ever funneled a beer.

A well known 'get drunk fast' method to drinking.

I still remember the hangover. And while I hardly remember that collegiate effort to get drunk quickly, I do recall it being one of the few studies I excelled at.

Last week, the nurse practitioner gave me a tutorial on a different kind of funneling.

Did you know a cervix could funnel?

It's the same concept as in drinking only no one is having any fun and you wake up with all your clothes on knowing where you are.

I wouldn't necessarily say cervical funneling is better than this.

From the experts (or as I like to call it, the Internet):
Cervical funneling is where the cervix starts to dilate from the inside out. It is a small change seen on an ultrasound, showing changes in the cervix. It looks like a funnel forming from the inside of the cervix. It can come and go and doesn't  necessarily mean early delivery, but does show an unstable cervix and risks for preterm labor.

I will go through yet another ultrasound to look for changes.

Oddly enough, the medicine I am on  to stop labor offers the same 'hangover effect' as excessive drinking does.

I wake up every morning with cottonmouth, intense splitting headaches and nausea. And, if I'm lucky enough to have a bout of contractions requiring me to take additional medicine, that is accompanied by abdominal soreness, the inability to put proper thoughts together and a tiredness that is inexplicable. It isn't like fatigue. It's more like having the flu in a fog.

I am fighting with chemicals what my body is trying to do naturally and will spend the better part of two months like this...in a suspended form of labor.

Based on what little information is available, my physical and emotional reaction to my circumstances are common.

But I can't believe it isn't more widely talked about.

Facebook is littered with rants over the slightest injustice or opposing viewpoint. Social circles belabor, attack, support or commiserate over what someone wore, how much weight they gained or which 'Real Housewives' is better. (Atlanta if you believe the experts, and by experts I again mean the Internet.) 

While women remain silent on the physical and emotional turmoil of preterm labor.

Google returns over 340 million results for a search on The Bachelor and a slight 1.9 million for preterm labor.

I think one of the reasons why women don't talk about it is that grumbling over the medicinal side effects, loneliness of bedrest and discomfort of early stage contractions is seen as preferring instead the alternative...giving birth early and putting the baby at risk.

This. Is. Not. True.

Our lives are upside down and we just want to be our normal selves again. Removed of the worry over every twinge of pain, counting contractions in the 25th week and the freedom to run after a two year old in the park.

Most mothers will endure a hardship ten times over if it will spare her child a moment of struggle.

In the grand scheme of things, two months is a short amount of time to adjust your life for the sake of another life. And yet, there are people willing to carry a grudge for months or even years just for the sake of being right.

57 days to go...

A Lesson in Labor

I'm a nervous flier.

I sit with my butt clenched and arms tightened in the hopes that by doing so it will keep the plane in the air and not crashing to the ground in a ball of fire.

Obviously, this is working.

I was stopped in my tracks two weeks ago. No amount of butt clenching seems to keep me from feeling like at any moment this plane could come down.

I watched a line on a monitor go up and down in regular intervals and Kevin pace back and forth for 45 solid minutes.

Once again, we heard things like 'bedrest' 'medical intervention' 'early labor signs' 'viability' and a discussion about our baby's chances for survival.

The only good thing about it was the fact that I was better prepared this time, knowing what to expect and what questions to ask.

And we knew it was coming.

But not at 23 weeks.

And nothing really prepares you for the haze you enter.

This Huffington Post article really hits the mark:

"My patient left with the facts, a prescription and instructions for bed rest in the hopes of prolonging her pregnancy. What she didn't receive was advice for handling the fear and anxiety associated with the news that any day she could deliver a premature newborn who might have difficulty breathing, neurological impairment or blindness. Or tips on how to handle the loneliness, isolation and guilt...Usually it's a short-term inconvenience, but for some women, the recommendation to go on bed rest can come early in a pregnancy and turn a joyful experience into a months-long nightmare."

Kevin and I have spent the last two weeks preparing for what we think may be an inevitable hospital stay. Knowing that is the result of any potential change or labor advancement.

I can't fathom two and a half months in the hospital.

The only thing worse would be a newborn fighting for his life.

We have friends and family providing support, help, and much needed humor. A doctor that assures me we have a number of medical options available before my 'feet go in the stirrups.'

And Kevin, who stays solid, practical and optimistic...always.

I know when I'm on an airplane that I can unclench my butt and fists. The plane's ability to stay in the air does not depend on whether I'm chanting like a Buddhist monk on meth.

(Although, try this sometime and see if you don't get a one way ticket to a TSA screening.)

They put you on progesterone to stop early contractions in the third trimester. The side effects are:
stomach upset, changes in appetite, weight gain, fluid retention and swelling, fatigue, acne, drowsiness or insomnia, allergic skin rashes, hives, fever, headache, depression, breast discomfort or enlargement, PMS-like syndrome.

It is as awesome as it sounds.

Just ask Kevin.

In 64 days, on the day I turn 40, I reach 35 weeks.

The magic week when activity resumes and they no longer try to stop labor.

And his chances for a healthy birth and going home with us from the hospital go up to 99%.

64 more days...