2. Don't go online, look at Sherwin Williams' room optimizer and decide that marigold is a good color for a half bath. It's orange. Not brown/orange not burnt orange...bright WAKE UP I'M ORANGE orange.
3. When you decide to repaint the half bath, don't go back on the Sherwin Williams' room optimizer and pick another color. In fact, just stay away from the the Sherwin Williams' room optimizer. LEARN YOUR LESSON!
4. When the contractor says not to walk on the new hard wood floors that took five days to install, sand, stain, seal and polyurethane, for the love of God, DON'T WALK ON THE FLOORS...not even to get the ball your toddler threw in the dining room...not. even. then.
5. Buy a rug to go in the dining room to cover the footprint mark.
6. When you move all of your belongings out of two rooms and cram them into two OTHER rooms, you will have to own up to the fact that three years ago you broke the leg on your storage cabinet because you were too lazy to empty the cabinet before dragging it across the carpet. Telling your husband that your father did this exact same thing to your mother's storage cabinet will NOT stop him from rolling his eyes.
7. You can NOT heat up Stouffers meals in a toaster oven. You're welcome.
8. When your toilet starts running and your husband doesn't know how to fix it, ask your contractor to do it. What the hell else does he have to do all day while he's NOT finishing your kitchen and figuring out what lie to tell you to make you believe he IS going to finish your kitchen so you can get out of dust hell.
9. When the Russian counter top guy comes to template the counter for your island, DO NOT ask him if he is coming back the next day with your counters. You will learn through broken angry English that Victor is on "vacation" and apparently he holds the keys to getting counter jobs done.
10. When your Mother-in-law tells you she will "never paint the f#@%*ing spindles" on your staircase again, and you refinish your banister and have to touch up the spindles on your staircase, you will learn why your Mother-in-law will never paint them again.
11. You may think you love Mexican, but walking to the Mexican restaurant three nights a week WILL GET OLD. There is only so much Mexican one person can eat and by that I mean, beans will make their way through your toddler and you will have first hand knowledge of this. Literally.
12. Anyone who ever asked a mother with a toddler to keep off the floors in over half her living space NEVER HAD A TODDLER!
13. When your contractor tells you they marred the wood when they moved your refrigerator back meaning the floors in the kitchen will need to be entirely re-done, you will wonder if your neighbors will balk at a contractor roasting on a spit in your driveway. (Richard will care. That old nosy pain in the ass.)
Was it worth it? You be the judge:
Before
After
